I suppose none of it is bad per say. The first positive thing I have to report is that while illustrating last night something clicked in my head that didn't before. I had learned to color digitally (or at least well) in the past two years. I learned about light, and color, and shadows. What I didn't learn or realize I was TRYING to do by implementing these things was to make my picture look as three dimensional as possible. Of course. What I WASN'T doing was illustrating three dimensionally. My illustrations still looked 2-d. Even though they are. But that's not the point. I failed at creating the illusion- and this I figured out JUST last night. It wasn't a light bulb moment, but rather a light bulb smashed over my head by an army general. Jesus Christ, how have I not figured that out until now? But thinking about it, its like I couldnt grasp that concept until my mind was older. Until I was more mature. I hated that it took so long though.

People around town have gotten to know me by the local graphic design I've been doing for some of the more important (or probably not important.) causes. Save the Bobolinks! No Gmos! Say no to Monsanto. I truly despise graphic design. Now look what I'm doing for a job. It (Graphic Design) is the math end of the art world. If I wanted to do something math related, I wouldnt pussy foot around, I would have just done it. But alas, the need or want for storybook illustrators just isnt all that essential. Nor do people have the money for it. Most of my commissions are paid by local farmers; and generally not in money, but in food. Don't get me wrong. I'm not complaining about food, as I was the one who suggested the idea, but I do hope our local economy gets better. Food doesnt put underwear on my ass.

There's been other changes as well. Something else developing. Perhaps its just another mental and emotional growth spurt. God knows, I feel like its been a long time. Actually I feel more like a confused teenager on their first day to high school. Or maybe its not that at all; maybe its arrogance. Its been getting hard to tell. But I'm getting tired of most people around me. I'm still social, but its gotten to a point where I have to force myself to socialize. I would rather be doing other things than talking to someone who claims that "vague" is a big word. Give me a fucking break. We have all the information in the entire GOD DAMNED world at our fingertips; on our phones, and kindles and laptops. How are people so stupid? We use technology for basically everything except wiping our asses, how have people NOT figured out to look something up on their phone when they don't understand what something means? Just because you're not in school anymore doesnt mean you should stop learning.

I guess the word I'm looking for is dissociation. I feel like I'm kinda just watching people around me in slow motion while they don't bother to use common sense. Why don't people use common sense? It would make my life a lot easier.

But I'm 22. So I obviously know everything about the world.

In other news, I started another illustration. Here's ze wip.