This has been a reoccurring thought for me for the past couple years; and its a concept that I've struggled with as an artist. Nothing deep mind you; just petty young adult kind of things.

Photoshop is like a bro to me. Paint tool Sai is like a cousin; I love working with digital palettes. And I've found as I've begun to review art here on Newgrounds, that I've become drawn to many different styles. While this bodes well for inspiration, it confuses me as well. I figure, if I like these styles I should take what I like from them (which is usually pretty much everything about it.) and learn how to do it, and put it into my own art. And then it leads me to the question of;

1. What is my style?
2.Do I have a style?
3. How do I identify with that style and make it more "me"?

I guess it was naive of me to think that art wouldn't become an extension of my personality; and now that I see it that way, I'm becoming more frightened and anxious about where I'm going in the future with my work. I know I have the capacity to learn just about whatever I want. (well, anything that doesn't involve math at least. haha)

The final and other issue is that while I start many projects, very few become finished. ( Probably another reason why I have several style dissonances in my gallery) I don't know why this is. And everytime I start a new project, it seems my skill jumps a couple levels, without any practice seemingly. It makes me shudder at where I COULD be by now if I had actually practiced my trade more often and finished some work.

There's a New Year coming though. And I want to be ready for it. I want to finish this current piece before January 1st. I don't know why. I guess maybe as a sign or token that I achieved something. I'm hoping it'll be an inspiration enough to keep at it, and continue finishing projects all throughout 2014.

Until then.

Dem Feathers.

Cause my computer has been dead. Not the hardware though fortunately. My windows 7 OS had choked out on me, and I didn't have a repair disk. It was a fun time. I was only actually able to fix it on a fluke. The computer decided to boot up for no reason one day, and so when I had the chance, I went ahead and made a dvd copy of my OS. So that's been taken care of, thankfully.

I've been very frustrated these last three months. I've been working hard to try and finish my artwork, and every time I get into "a groove" with what I'm doing something craps out on me. A project that should have taken me, maybe one month, has taken me double that. Complete rubbish. The good news though is that I'm back at it. For those still following the dead newgrounds account, here's an update of what I showed last time. I don't think I'm gonna want to post it on the forums though, because the file is going to be way too big...and with the amount of time I've put into these feathers...<_<

Unless newgrounds has a file sharing system that I'm unaware of? Every time I try and show something I'm met with the size limit hammer.

Ahh well. Hope you beautiful people are doing fabulous.

I suppose none of it is bad per say. The first positive thing I have to report is that while illustrating last night something clicked in my head that didn't before. I had learned to color digitally (or at least well) in the past two years. I learned about light, and color, and shadows. What I didn't learn or realize I was TRYING to do by implementing these things was to make my picture look as three dimensional as possible. Of course. What I WASN'T doing was illustrating three dimensionally. My illustrations still looked 2-d. Even though they are. But that's not the point. I failed at creating the illusion- and this I figured out JUST last night. It wasn't a light bulb moment, but rather a light bulb smashed over my head by an army general. Jesus Christ, how have I not figured that out until now? But thinking about it, its like I couldnt grasp that concept until my mind was older. Until I was more mature. I hated that it took so long though.

People around town have gotten to know me by the local graphic design I've been doing for some of the more important (or probably not important.) causes. Save the Bobolinks! No Gmos! Say no to Monsanto. I truly despise graphic design. Now look what I'm doing for a job. It (Graphic Design) is the math end of the art world. If I wanted to do something math related, I wouldnt pussy foot around, I would have just done it. But alas, the need or want for storybook illustrators just isnt all that essential. Nor do people have the money for it. Most of my commissions are paid by local farmers; and generally not in money, but in food. Don't get me wrong. I'm not complaining about food, as I was the one who suggested the idea, but I do hope our local economy gets better. Food doesnt put underwear on my ass.

There's been other changes as well. Something else developing. Perhaps its just another mental and emotional growth spurt. God knows, I feel like its been a long time. Actually I feel more like a confused teenager on their first day to high school. Or maybe its not that at all; maybe its arrogance. Its been getting hard to tell. But I'm getting tired of most people around me. I'm still social, but its gotten to a point where I have to force myself to socialize. I would rather be doing other things than talking to someone who claims that "vague" is a big word. Give me a fucking break. We have all the information in the entire GOD DAMNED world at our fingertips; on our phones, and kindles and laptops. How are people so stupid? We use technology for basically everything except wiping our asses, how have people NOT figured out to look something up on their phone when they don't understand what something means? Just because you're not in school anymore doesnt mean you should stop learning.

I guess the word I'm looking for is dissociation. I feel like I'm kinda just watching people around me in slow motion while they don't bother to use common sense. Why don't people use common sense? It would make my life a lot easier.

But I'm 22. So I obviously know everything about the world.

In other news, I started another illustration. Here's ze wip.

EDIT*****

Made a quick character sketch. Going to do some noobish things and work on a turn around and a simple walk cycle for him. May throw it in my dumping grounds. I name him Blue.

I think I'm enjoying it. I'm not sure. Boy is it a far cry from Flash. Tell me, does the company macromedia actually exist anymore? I was under the impression that the last flash Macromedia had a hand in was number 8, but I've seen people walking around, saying, yeah! I know macromedia flash! But as far as I know, that's the version I STARTED on. Are Adobe and macro the same company? Someone please educate this ignorant fool.

I'm going to be taking some time in the next couple days to finish up some commission work, but to also learn Toon Boom. I feel so helplessly stupid and noobish again. I think I'll need regular intervals in Photoshop to help calm my tired nerves. Can you believe my college never even touched on toonboom? Can you believe it? Disney has apparently used it for Princess and the Frog and the new Winneh the Pooh. (2011?) I think its clear that I wasted my money on an institution that wasnt even keeping up to date with the software.

And my animation teacher was a joke. But seriously guys. She did backgrounds for Beavus and Butthead. Didn't you know they're the pinnacle of animation greatness?

I'll shut my yapper now before someone I know stalks nearby.

IIIIIIIIIIITS Adventure Time!

PFFTT.

But No seriously. I kinda want to animate. I had this spectacular Little Red Riding Hood idea where Little Red finds this wolf pup and then omg kawaiii love foreveers. Then they go to find grandma only to see that her cotage has been over run with giant spiders! Little Red gets trapped within the cottage as the Spiders just start to smash it to pieces. =O

Then begins the epic journey to find grandma!

But I have such motivation problems. I have such issues finishing projects. Doing things. I dont know what my problem is. Its not that I don't want to create art. Its just that I'm afraid to start. Boy do I have a spectacular mental complex. hmm hmmm..

So maybe I should find a different storty concept. One not so...complex. Ideas anyone? Anyone?

Also. I no longer have Flash? Anyone wanna be a buddy? Should I download flash and do unmentionable illegal things? Or should I switch to Toon Boom? Is toonboom free? I dont even know.

But we've heard that before havn't we?

Yeap. I'm back. uploading new shiz. Can't figure out how to find my forum thread from eighty million years ago. hahaha. oh dayyum. I'm such a noob.

Children who die are not really gone,
But go to a place that is something like home,
Where they sleep the deep sleep, as quiet as stone,
Until we can join them when our lives are done.

Children who die are not really dead,
But just like good children tucked into bed,
Wait the long wait while we go ahead
Till our tales are all told and our tears are all shed.

Children who die feel no pleasure or pain
In the place where they wait till they see us again,
And all of us dance in a world washed with rain
Where the sun shines so brightly no sorrows remain.

Nicholas Gordon

So I was browsing the forums and found topics that had been repeated by the same user...wierd?....yeah..

Then I went back again like five minutes later and there was a SECOND user who had posted crap on the Art Forum...I went to each of their profiles and it was just non-nonsensical gibberish.....

Example:

ppreciating the masterpiece of a cosplayer would addition aplomb and would body a foundation of self-identity, aegis and assurance to one's individuality, talent, adroitness and skills. The affiliation to the cocky with the affiliation to others would alter to altered cultures who appoint in the cosplay storeaction of cosplay. In some cultures, it would be added ascendant and normative to become in abased from others. It is aswell a action of advertent and cogent one's attributes. The alternate relationships of the associates of humans in the cosplay apple including the goals and needs are all necessary, but alone on the additional rank of the pyramid of antecedence of how to cosplay duke in duke with the ambit of important position because thecosplay online store association at present are added arresting on accepting a aggressive nature. One may appearance himself or herself as acceptable the a lot of accepted of the accumulation or atomic advantaged one.

Is this something that is common?

So I named my animation in progress, Red and Wolf, instead of just Red. Since the story isnt just about little red riding hood. I'm really working on making the environment monumental, and vast. Lighting and color scheme is also being worked out in Photoshop. I found a new coloring style that I think I like a lot more- and it skips the boring part of doing lineart. The entire process has been fun and off the wall creative, so I'm really enjoying myself. Its funny how an animation that was only supposed to be practice turned into this bigger project that I've come to care a little bit about.

I'm working on something right now. Its a work in progress, but I have my colors down and have JUST gotten into detail....on grass. Hell how I hate grass, but I found a new style for THIS as well, and I'm pleased to say that it looks better than the Dragon WIP that I posted on the forums.

Boy am I excited.

Working on a piece of art for a forum about a green haired girl. Its taking longer than I expected, but I get the rough of it finished, so I'm pretty excited. I can't wait to finish it so I can show it to the thread owner.